Kids Say the Darnedest Things…True Life Version


We found this collection of funny things kids have said, as reported by their parents. Can you top these?

My friend was having a hard time getting her daughter to drink water. At lunch one day the little one loudly exclaimed that “drinking makes mummy happy”.   – Sarah Kerby, Facebook

At a birthday party recently my 6-year-old cousin came up to me while eating cake, waved a plate in my face and said, “Josie, the air smells like freedom.”   – Josephine Rose Gilchrist, Facebook

I was breastfeeding my newborn son one day, when my 4-year-old daughter asked if one boob made chocolate milk and the other made white.   – chrissyh4423f5524

My nephew recently informed me that squirrels eat acorns because they don’t like Mexican food.    – lizzys6

About halfway through a spaghetti dinner my 3-year-old daughter asked what the green stuff on the pasta was. When I told her it was parsley, she threw up her hands and said, “Well, I’ve never had it before, and now. My life. Is ruined.”    – christinehoros

My 7-year-old was convinced she could speak Spanish thanks to Dora. One day at a Mexican restaurant the waitress said “Gracias!” and with all the conviction in the world my daughter responded “Piñata!” –abbyn4b61db9b2

I’m a preschool teacher, and the other day a little girl was standing next to me and stroking my eyebrow with her finger. When I asked what she was doing she said, “I’m your eyebrow petter.”    – emilyc48bc555db

One day my 4-year-old was upstairs and yelled, “ouch!” When I asked what happened he yelled down to me, “I stubbed my toe! The one that ate roast beef!”.   – jennmemolic

One day my daughter leaned in and said to me, “Don’t worry mommy, I love you and would never kill you.”- kathygreeleyc

My 5-year-old daughter is a vegan. One day I caught her picking her nose and eating it and told her to stop. Her reply: “Why, are buggers not vegan?”  – Jessica Masterson, Facebook

We were in an elevator at a hotel going to the pool. It was me, my 5-year-old son, a teenage boy, and his dad. Suddenly, my son announces, “My mom isn’t usually half naked, we’re going swimming.”  – amandas41fb36e3a

Putting my son to bed one night he stroked my face, looked at me lovingly, and whispered in my ear that I was a “stupid dog”.    – Emma Tasker, Facebook

One day I caught my two year old daughter playing in my closet. She was hiding and all I saw were her little feet. I asked her what she was doing and she replied, “oh, I’m just farting in your closet,” in this nonchalant, toddler tone…    – Pamela Quigley, Facebook

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