Reprinted with permission from The Daddy Diaries.
The following set of instructions will insure that your daughters’ neighborhood lemonade stand will be a successful and profitable business venture:
1) Establish a day, time, and location that will result in the greatest amount of revenue and profit margin in total lemonade and kool-aid sales
2) Buy enough lemonade mix, fresh lemons, kool-aid, solo cups, paper towels and ice to serve approximately 500 very thirsty individuals
3) Build a lemonade stand from an old piece of countertop and a nightstand from the garage, hot glue, clear plastic tubing from an old baby bed, hand drawn “I <3 Lemonade” sign attached with 3lbs of scotch tape and 7 sticks of aforementioned hot glue
4) Pick the absolute HOTTEST day of the year, and the hottest time of that particular day, to make sure that the lemonade serving is the most miserable action possible
5) Get 5 small children to put all of the pitchers of lemonade, ice, cups and the homemade, southern engineered lemonade stand out on the curb
6) Dress daughters in cute shorts and colorful shirts. Have them fix their hair in pig tails and bows, to look as cute as possible to generate highest amount of possible revenue. Practice their “sales smiles”
7) Leave children on curb in ridiculous, humid Texas heat. Discourage drinking of the ice cold lemonade so as not to reduce net margin
8) Go inside house, sit on couch and drink ice cold beers
9) When hot, cranky, sweaty children with frizzy hair come back in the house, complaining of heat and lack of customers, give positive encouragement of business yet to come, and remind them that quitters never win, and that I do not raise kids that quit
10) Argue with child about the consequences of quitting, and how you’ll never accomplish anything in life without perseverance
11) Drink another beer on the couch
12) Laugh when you look out the window at the 5 sweaty children trying to sell lemonade
13) Yell from the front door “Good job kids”!, then close the door quickly so to not let out air conditioning
14) Return to couch
15) Check on children every hour, on the hour, to make sure none of them have passed out or suffered a heat stroke. Again, a simple yell from the front door will suffice
16) Be sure and collect money often, to discourage any “skimming” from business profits
17) Sell lemonade to 7 individuals. 7 people, all day long.
18) Collect all $7 from the children. Take $5 of total revenue to pay back supply costs. Redistribute $2, in equal parts, to all 5 children. Tell them “not to spend it all in one place”.
20) Drink beer on the couch
21) Take a nap
22) Let the kids clean up all the crap in the driveway